Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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