i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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