You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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