i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
