Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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