omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
