Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
