his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
