i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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