so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
