remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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