id be glad to
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
