So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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