end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
