forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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