hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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