TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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