seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
