Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
my liver is dry heaving
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
