"it" just moved
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
