I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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