my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
