I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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