you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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