It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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