My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
