Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
