Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize