so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
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