while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
