I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
