Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
