He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
