i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
well, you know. whores of a feather.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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