smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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