you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
