Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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