Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
