So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
