There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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