I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
