My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I can't turn off my feet"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
