She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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