I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
