Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
