i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
