Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
