I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
That's when you crack a 10am beer
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
