I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
