At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
