Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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