Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
