I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
