my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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