went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
