Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Randomize
