Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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