she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize