I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize