I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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