she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
