Whod you bang
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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