got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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