when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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