Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
