you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
