Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
