Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
