I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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