he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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