I just cut my nipple shaving
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
