Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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