Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize