Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
