they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
