I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
