I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
