I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
