Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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