I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
