I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize