is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
