my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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