Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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