drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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