We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Floor bacon is actually really good
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
