Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
