dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
