Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
