Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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