...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
