I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
