it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
