1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
id be glad to
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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