I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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