@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
there is glitter all over my balls
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