he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You were trust falling into bushes
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
