garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
home. puking in laundry basket.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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