Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
