that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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