come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
