I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
