1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
