So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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