tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize