Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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