I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
